So Long, Twenty Five

     As I write this, I’m swallowed up by different feelings. I’m eager to begin a new year of my life tomorrow, yet I’m feeling a bit of apprehension letting go of 25. It’s safe to say it’s a bittersweet transition. Here I am, not old, but not really that young, moving out of my early 20’s, into the late 20’s and I’m recognizing that life happens so fast. Who knew? I’m continually trying to live “in the present” and to “live each day like it’s the last!!!!” but, sometimes that’s complicated when you’re becoming an actual adult and learning how to strive in your career, pay bills, stay healthy, keep in touch with people, share your living space with your boyfriend/girlfriend, save money for the future, yet still have fun at the same time, and somehow keep your sanity. I’m still trying to figure it all out.

     All I know is this… I’m healthy, happy, alive, and without all of you, my faithful readers, new readers, and people just stopping by to view, I wouldn’t have this little blog-- my favorite place. It’s my own little place in the world that allows me to be myself while constantly challenging my bravery and the courage to expose my true colors. So, I just want to say thank you to all of you: those who love me, inspire me, criticize and teach me, laugh with me, cry with me, and mostly all of you who support me and this little place I call The Catz Meow. Here’s to 26, I hope it’s the best year yet, for all of us… :)

Words for Wednesday

A Maybe Poem

Maybe I’m lost in a world with so much to think about

A universe bigger than I could ever dream about

Do I care more than I should? Maybe I don’t care enough

Maybe I’m just a free spirit with too much to love

Maybe I’m trying too hard; maybe I don’t know my place

I just want to save it all, the entire human race

Maybe I need a step back, a cool gentle breath

Fade away quietly from the busy streets of stress

But this life is a platform; we want to rise to the top

Maybe that’s our biggest problem, and we all need to stop

Well, one thing’s for sure, if there’s anything I know

It’s that we need to slow down, watch the sun glow

I think we’re moving way too fast, maybe we’re missing out on life

We’re spending all our time asking if we’ve got it right

This breathtaking world can be too much to take, and

Maybe sometimes honest hands just need a break
 

-Holly Amber Wolti. 2.20.13

You Had Me At Haluwa

     It all started when I asked my sister’s boyfriend if he had any Greek friends or relatives he could hook a sister up with. Completely out of Mike’s normal character, he told me about his cousin, Stephanos. In typical Holly fashion, I immediately went on Facebook and cyber stalked the hell out of him. It took what seemed like forever and a day for him to accept my friend request, but once he did, the butterflies soared. Cliché, I know, but I just can’t help myself. Messages, texts, Facebook chats, AIM conversations (back when AIM was the thing to do), and days went by until we finally met at a (not so fancy) restaurant in Nashua called the Haluwa, where Mike’s band was playing. Luckily, my sister already knew Stephanos, and I had pre-gamed quite heavily to develop some liquid courage. Why was I nervous? I had already talked to this guy so many times, and what did I have to lose? So what if he was seven years older than me? It wasn’t like either one of us were looking for a relationship that night anyway. I drank some more, and calmed down a bit………until he walked through the door, hugged me, and said, “it’s so nice to finally meet you.” My heart fell into my stomach, and I don’t think it ever really moved back into place. The rest of the night is a complete blur, but somehow I remember every detail. Does that even make sense? All I know is that the night ended with a kiss, under the stars, from the most flawless man I had ever seen, and I couldn’t help but ask if this was really happening to me. Things like this just don’t happen for me. But it did.

The first night we met

    Months went by, and we had been dating. We went to movies, dinners, had nights in, etc. I began falling. Eventually, I started getting nervous, I think he did too. Work got busy, life got busy, I was new to the bar scene, I had just had my heart broken by someone else, and I was pretty positive it could never be fixed. Clearly this is no recipe for a happy new relationship.  Things were up and down, we saw each other less, but texted when we were drunk or when we missed each other, but I couldn’t stop thinking about him as hard as I tried. I guess I saw something in this person that I had never seen in anyone else. He literally pierced every room he walked in. Something about him knocked my guard down so swiftly, the one that I promised would never fall. I think we continued to talk because neither of us was ready to completely lose touch. I bumped into him at bars, talked with him on the phone, hung out at his apartment occasionally, with the notion that all he had to do was say the word, and I would try again. Right when I was ready to give up, he did exactly that. I guess he saw something in me too, and he wasn’t ready to let it go. I still questioned how this was really happening to me. Actually, I still question that every time I stop and take a look at our life.

     After almost four years of being together later, after our fair share of fights and tears and “I didn’t mean to say that, I really do love you”, moving into a house together, figuring out how to cohabitate, supporting each other through new jobs, triumphs, disappointments, success, misfortunes, traveling to new places together, him questioning how one girl can cry so much yet love even more, and every other emotion two people can feel, I can honestly say I have figured out that relationships are not easy. The only easy part is the love. It’s making the two loving hearts beat in synchronization, which takes hard work. Luckily, I’ve found in Stephanos, a heart that has never given up on me. I’ve found someone who laughs at the same things I laugh at and shares my dreams. I’ve found someone who knows me better than I know myself. I’ve found not only a boyfriend, but a best friend. I’ve found someone who can bring me back to solid ground when my world is a mess. I’ve found someone to whom I frequently tell, “I love you more than anything in this entire world.”

 

     I’ve found someone who has the complete potential to break me, which is scary, but I know he never would. I found out, when looked at me one night and said, “you had me at Haluwa”, that he really meant it. That night changed the two of us, for the rest of our lives.