Wednesday, October 31, 2012

Why I Write

     Call it inspiration, motivation, my muse, whatever you want to call it, I was moved when I read a magnificently crafted piece of literature by a beautifully talented writer who just happens to be my best friend. Her name is Jade Scarpa, and you will never be as cool as her. Ok, that was mean, but really, you probably won’t.
     Anyway, Jade wrote this brilliant composition about why she writes, thus, my desire to tell the world why I write grew even stronger. Sit back, relax, and let me tell you.
      Well, it all started when I learned how to read. I was four and in pre-school. The book was about bears, and I read it backwards and forward and over again. I told myself, “someday I want to write a book just like that!” (without the three sentence pages and every other word forming a rhyme, of course) My love for reading grew, and I found myself excelling in all my English classes, my most desired being Poetry. It was in the year 2000, when my sister bought me Jewel’s “A Night Without Armor” poetry book, that my love affair with words became even stronger. Feelings trapped underneath my skin began to gush out of my body through the pen in my hand. It was an uncontrollable force, and I couldn’t be stopped.
     Why do I continue to write? Writing is a part of my life that has never given up on me. Writing gives me a chance to tell the world who I really am. I write when I’m anxious or when I have to get something off my chest.  Putting my pen to paper (or my fingers to a keyboard) gives me the same feeling most people get on a first date. It’s all about the thrill, the uncertainty of the end result.
     I write when I’m eager or when emotions in my heart are begging to be let free. I write because I have strong passions. I write because if I didn’t, I would curl up in the fetal position and cry. I write because I need to. I write because I’m brave enough to. I write because there has been at least one person on this Earth, aside from people who love me, who has told me I’m talented. Writing is my freedom, and I’ll never turn my back on it.


Tuesday, October 23, 2012

A Requiem for Autumn

She stings me in the morning
Her sharp wind cuts my face

I wonder where the summer went

But for her, it’s not a race.

She breaks and cracks underneath my feet

Her leaves, they just keep falling

She thinks she’s losing all her strength, and

She knows that winter's calling

Her name is Autumn, gorgeous gold

Still young at heart, but feels so old

When all her reds have turned to brown

Her skin is shedding to the ground

I’m there to catch it, if I can

So I reach out my pale skinned hand

I hold on to her until she’s gone

And Winter sings the saddest song

-Holly Wolti   10/23/12

Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Changing With the Seasons

Winter always greets me with such confidence. It seems like she knows that her strong wind and frosty nights will own your mood. The days are shorter, the streets aren’t as busy, there are fewer smiles on faces, and winter always dresses in dark hues. Aside from the holiday season, people are more withdrawn. Everyone is more fatigued.  It’s not a bad thing for me, though. It gives me a chance to build my relationship with myself, my house, my books, my writing, and with all things that comfort me. I have time to make more phone calls, write letters, and reach out to people I miss. It means heavier beers and more carbs which results in more working out, and it means lots of movies and red wine on the couch. To me, it’s a peaceful time.

Spring frolics in, and my heart skips an immediate beat. Butterflies soar through my stomach because I know the warmer weather is approaching. This means lighter outfits, lighter food, a brighter sky, and an abundance of outside activities. Smiles start to warm up cold faces, and you can almost see the sunshine defrosting people’s bad moods. When winter turns to spring, people change. I change too.

In the summer months I feel more liberated. I feel more connected to my freedom, if that makes any sense. I want to drive with the windows down while the wind blows through my hair. I don’t want to wear makeup. I want to meet friends for margaritas outside. I feel like I need to keep going and going and spending all my time being kissed by the sun. I never want to sleep until it’s completely dark outside. I want to meet new people, visit new cities, and travel as much as possible. I want to always have moments like these. It’s always hard when summer breaks up with me, but luckily I know it’s not over forever, and beautiful September will help me move on.

Autumn comes, and the excitement continues. It actually increases. As you might remember from this post, Autumn is my favorite season. Crisp mornings, perfect hair days, cute boots and chic jackets all equal a fabulous combination of happiness. That, and the fact that I just discovered my love for hot coffee. Leaves changing colors, football games, comfy sweaters, bonfires in the backyard, pumpkin beer.... the list continues. I think the most exciting thing about Fall is that even though it comes, makes me fall so in love, and then leaves me so quickly, I know we will meet again.

So, as much as I love California and other places where the climate doesn't drastically change, I really don't think I could ever end my love affair with New England. If you could live any place in the world, where would it be? Would you want to live somewhere where the seasons change dramatically?


Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Seeing the Good in the Bad

     5:00 on Friday means “hello weekend!” 5:00 this past Friday meant "hello LONG weekend!!" Rushing out the door of my office building, I got in my car, turned the radio up, and sat in the most horrible traffic ever. Instant mood change. Realizing Stephanos was at least 40 minutes behind me in traffic, I had to go grocery shopping alone. Annoying. After pushing through most of the aisles, getting shoved around by all kinds of rude people, and waiting at the deli (gross!), I waited for his arrival. Finally he came, we left, and the night went on. I was flustered from the hustle and bustle until I was sitting at one of our favorite restaurants sipping a pumpkin beer. Stephanos exclaimed that he needed to use the restroom, and when he came back, he lightly placed a beautiful Barmakian Jewelers bag on my lap, and to my surprise, it enclosed the gorgeous Cape Cod bracelet I had been obsessing over for at least a year now. My night completely turned into a fabulous, romantic, fortunate escapade.

     The next day was spent with my mother, and we had a blast per usual. Sunday followed while sad faces congregated at church for the Stephanos’ uncle’s memorial mass. But hearts lightened and smiles formed quickly thereafter while we gathered over good food and delicious drinks. Spending time with people you love is always a beautiful thing, even when the circumstances are less than exciting. Love comes together for the bad and the good, the heart wrenching and the happiness, and together we all find reasons to smile. And smile I did, until Monday night when I got home from a lovely day off, and Nala (who has never escaped before) ran out my front door at lightning speed. I think her whole life flashed before my eyes within 5 seconds, and somehow, by the grace of God, she finally ran back in my front door. She bit me while I cried, loved me while I gave her treats, we cuddled all night, and I thanked every single person in Heaven for protecting her and not letting her get too far from home.  Some people may not understand why, but my little cat means the world to me.  I still don't think my nerves have calmed 100% back down, but I am thankful to be getting there.
     I saw a beautiful raninbow while driving the other day, and even though it was small, it was still a rainbow and a reason to take picture. If you try to find at least one reason to shine through the dull gray situations life often places you in, I can promise you will be a more content human being. Always remember that “every storm runs out of rain, just like every dark night turns into day."

Friday, October 5, 2012

The Perfect Face

I saw a photograph of a beautiful, well known girl, and I saw right through her. I didn't have to read any words, I already knew her story.  I thought about what she would say if she could speak through the magazine page.  I decided to express my thoughts in the form of poetry. Can anyone guess who I wrote this poem about? 
When you look at me and see
The girl they wanted me to be
Are you still proud?
Am I too loud?
Am I too free?
You listen to my voice, and
Then you analyze my poise
Have I got it down?
In this big crowd,
Can you still see me?
Beneath this hat of lace
And flawless, faultless grace

My fears resound,

They think they've found

The perfect face.
Well, I know it’s not my place,

But I ponder, just in case
Can I make a sound?
Is that allowed?
Would they be disgraced?
-Holly Wolti, 10/4/2012

Tuesday, October 2, 2012

But today, I’ll smile

              I was stuck inside my house all day Saturday and Sunday because I had the worst migraine ever. I was irritated that the pain was causing me to stay in my dark bedroom all weekend. Completely overwhelmed, I started to cry which only made the headache worse. I felt like it wasn’t fair because I work hard all week, and like anyone, I want to make the most of my weekends. I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t have the strength to work out, and I couldn’t even stand the mere sound of the TV. I just wanted to feel sorry for myself.  I wanted Stephanos to feel sorry for me and take care of me. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted to keep crying.

                I went to the doctor last night to figure out why I had such a bad headache, and she just told me I have “the same virus that everyone has right now. Take some Advil Cold & Sinus, buy some nasal spray, and it will go away soon.” Not feeling too satisfied, I did what the doctor told me to, and I left. I was still annoyed.
               I woke up today still feeling somewhat off, but something had changed. Maybe it’s because today is my friend Ashley’s 27th birthday, but she’s celebrating in Heaven instead of here on Earth with all her family and friends.  Maybe that’s what made me realize how selfish I had been for being so consumed with my lack of a fun weekend. I quickly started feeling lucky that my worst problem was a stupid headache. Maybe it’s because I got a text from my sister saying she’d be home on December 18th for Christmas. Maybe it’s because I woke up warm and tangled up in our beautiful bed, the same bed I didn’t want to spend one more minute in over the weekend. That very same bed felt and looked different this morning. For the past few days, it felt like frustration. This morning, it felt reassuring. There’s comfort in knowing that I have a bed to wake up in and go to sleep in tonight. I felt honored to have an angel in Heaven to say Happy Birthday to.  I felt excited that I could start the countdown to when I would see my sister. I felt fortunate that I have a job to go to that provides health insurance which allows me to go to the doctor to find out I have nothing more than some aggravating virus. I felt thankful that I really do have everything I want, and I felt sad for the people who don't. I felt honestly and truly blessed.
             So, yes I cried a lot this weekend, but today, I think I’ll just smile.