Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Live Out the Confusion Until it Becomes Clear

Where does the time really go? I mean, people always say “Ahh, it’s the work week again, where did that weekend go?” I know I’m guilty of repeating that phrase every Monday morning. But have you ever actually thought about it, or do you just smile and say “here we go again”?

Lately, I’ve put so much consideration into answering that question, probably more than I should. What I’ve figured out is that it’s a popular question to raise, but it has no quick answer. I woke up last Saturday and spent the entire day and night with my best friend Alli, and I felt like I was 18 years old again. We ate and drank more than we should, spending the whole day outside at cute little places downtown, and laughed as we realized that I’m 26 pushing 30 and it was 8 years ago that we were college roommates. I wondered where all the time had gone, but I didn’t want to sit there and analyze that. I spent the rest of the weekend hiding behind the blissful clouded vision that if I could just hang on to every piece of the night and pretend that tomorrow is so far away, it would feel real. As she and I said many times (and louder as our buzz got stronger), “today is the BEST day ever!” And it was.

Monday morning I woke up realizing it has been two full years since my boyfriend & I closed on our house. Again, where has the time gone? Two years, or even eight years will pass in the blink of an eye, but when you stop and think about it, those years are everything. It's impossible to answer where the time went in just one word. It’s millions of laughs, thousands of tears, hundreds of inside jokes, and dreams, and mistakes, and secrets, and nights you’ll never forget, or never remember. I then decided that life shouldn’t be counted in years; it should be counted in moments. If we counted how many perfect moments we find ourselves in rather than worrying about the fact that we might not find ourselves in them again, I think we’d be a lot better off.
As I sat under the hot sun on that Saturday afternoon sipping a Blue Moon and talking with my best friend, I realized something that I didn't even mean to realize---The more we stop wondering what comes next and what happened to get us where we are, the more comfortable and less confused we will be.
Cheers to that.