Thursday's Song....

Where I Belong

I don’t have to hop a plane and travel to Paris, or dine in fancy French restaurants and take selfies with hundred dollar bottles of wine, although that would be incredible, to have what I might call a “perfect weekend.” It could start with a simple Friday morning note from Paul on the kitchen counter telling me he loves me and can’t wait to see me, finished with my reply of “another weekend!! Love you!”

A perfect weekend could mean staying in on a Friday night, covered in a blanket with my legs stretched out over his, with a warm cat curled up on my lap, texting my sister “only 2 weeks til your wedding <3 <3 <3”, or it could be a night of good beers at a kitchen table with old friends. It might consist of waking up early on Saturday for your Maid of Honor dress fitting with your mom, and it might continue with a breezy beach day and a sparkling sun shining down on your face over the rippled ocean. It might include long naps and movies you've seen a thousand times, but somehow you still cry when Mr. Big doesn't show up at the wedding.

Maybe you’ll spend the next day honoring your mother for all that she has done for you, while coming to the realization over small talk at your hometown lake, that she was your first best friend and after 28 years, she still is. This is when you might look up to the clouds and silently thank God that you got so damn lucky.

You might end the night by having dinner with your family and homemade coffee frappes with your man. He might fall asleep first, although you may beg him not to because there’s something extra comforting about being the first one to fall asleep, all before you gaze out the window thanking God again for this little slice of heaven.

I might wake up on Monday morning with another note in Paul’s familiar handwriting, telling me another weekend is over but that he loves me very much, and I may find myself smiling and being okay with the fact that I’m entering another hectic Monday morning…

I may catch myself looking around our trendy little apartment, full of morning sunbeams, a sleepy cat, and our pictures hanging on the wall, thinking about the first night we moved in. Grabbing my keys, sunglasses, and my purse, I think to myself… I might not be in Paris, but maybe Paris isn’t as great as this.

The Saddest Eclipse

Ever think of what will happen when the sun gives up its light?

Knowing all too well that it’s just not worth the fight,

When the sky just separates and there’s nothing left in sight

‘Cause the moon, you know, she always wins

Whether wrong or right….

That stubborn moon, the stars will scream

Why can’t she understand?

She’s nothing but a cold dark sphere

Without the sun to hold her hand….

And just like that, regret sinks in,

But she won’t change her mind….

Too stubborn to admit she’s wrong,

Leaving the world below her blind.

And a lunar love comes to an end,

It hurts worse than she’ll make known

But she wants to shine all by herself

Light the sky all on her own….

And so it comes, a deep black smoke

Everything just fades,

And the sun sits there behind a cloud

Wiping tears off of its face

See, nothing lasts forever

As the sun was taught to learn,

But we all need some help from somebody

Or like the moon, we’ll crash and burn….

-Holly A. Wolti

Cat’z Napz :: on Falling Asleep

I can sleep through anything. Be as loud as you want. I never have trouble falling asleep. 

These were words I vividly remember telling my roommate, Alli, when we moved in together in college. I also remember saying this every year, at every physical, when my doctor asks those maddening questions (if I drink alcohol, if I feel safe at home, if I have have trouble sleeping, If I go to the bathroom regularly… by the time that last question comes around, I’m about to offer up my unborn child in an exaggerated effort to get her to stop.)

But, it wasn’t until recently that I began experiencing interruptions in my sleep. I don’t know why, because I’m super happy, financially content, excited about my life. I think it has something to do with hormones, busy thoughts, or the urgent need I feel to please everyone in my life. But either way, I’ve discovered my new best friend - Bath and Body Works Sleep lotion, part of their Aromatherapy Sleep line. Not only does this lotion help you relax and fall fast asleep, it smells incredible too! 

I love that it contains natural ingredients, and it’s not addictive like some sleeping pills. Even better, this line comes with a body wash and a candle to help lull you off to your world of slumber. I usually apply it after a hot, relaxing evening shower. Just smear it all over your body before going to bed, and before you know it, you’ll be a beautiful little ball of sweet smelling siesta! You can choose from different scents that the Sleep line offers! My favorite is the night time tea one.

You can thank me later. 

A Cold Truth

I could write about something cold, something harsh, something to agree with the weather outside, something that would give life to the feelings everyone in New England is experiencing right now. I could speak of things so brittle, so fragile, things that could snap with the weight off too much snow, too strong of winds, or too severe of moods. I could be bitter, leaving frostbite on your mind. And I could tell you that you’re not the only one feeling thirsty for brighter days, hungry for careless summer mornings, for perfect hair days and freckles on your nose. For mixed drinks on white sands, the hum of air conditioners, and the refreshment of cold water on your feet in July.

But what I really want to talk about is a phrase I heard while driving to work this morning, as I was bundled up with too many layers on, winter boots, biggest scarf, static in my hair, and runny nose…seemingly the most frustrated basic girl in the world. As I sat there in stopped traffic, annoyed with the -1 degree temperature showing on my dashboard, and stressing out about how dry my eyes were from the heater, I changed radio stations and heard someone say these 8 words…. “any day above ground is a good day.”

At first I thought it was slightly morbid. I mean we are talking about life and death, who wants to think about that? But I did think about it. I thought about it continuously until I arrived at work, and it hit me, harder than the gust of wind that almost knocked my coffee out of my hand. Those words are so true, I realized. Without the cruelest, coldest of days, we would never fully enjoy those summer moments. Without the heaviness of snow and sharpness of ice, we wouldn’t be so thankful for the light mist of Spring air. And here I was complaining to myself about having to even get out of bed and face this day….

At least I have heat to keep me warm, I realized. A concerned mother who warns me about the weather days in advance, a strong man to hold me at night, hot food to eat, a job to drive to, a pretty stylish winter wardrobe for these types of days, I reminded myself. And thankfully, the list goes on. And just as importantly, I’m I have you, and I’m lucky for that. For the mere fact that you are reading this right now - for the fact that I had two readers two and a half years ago when I started this blog and now I have hundreds, and without that point, I wouldn't be so appreciative now. So, thank you for caring about my ranting thoughts and for giving me an outlet to share them.

I’m so glad I’m above ground today. 

What I've learned in 2014...

Take chances. If your gut is telling you do so something, then you probably should. Who cares what other people have to say about it? They’re still going to sleep the same way regardless. It’s your life.

I’ve learned that it’s absolutely okay to feel like I’m a different person than I was at this point last year. It’s acceptable to grow up, to go to bed earlier, and to enjoy making dinner at home more than going out partying. The hangovers aren’t always worth it, but taking care of my body is.

With that being said, it’s also okay to party like a rock star when the time is right.

We should all try to stop worrying so much— Most of the time we stress over things that never even transpire anyway. Things are going to happen, and people are going to do whatever they want no matter what. Trust the process.

Tell the people you love just how much you love them. Do things for them. Prove to them that they matter.  

Remember that everyone has different dreams. Just because yours might not coincide with someone else’s doesn’t mean either of you are wrong. It just means you’re on different paths, and that’s okay. Support them anyway.

Let someone be mad at you. Let someone miss you. Let people have their say. The people you love the most will have the ability to hurt you the most. Love them anyway.

Read. Reading nourishes the brain and the mind. I’ve learned more about people through fictional characters than you’d think. A book is a simple world of letters, sentences, and imaginary pictures, but it’s a beautiful world to get lost in.

Confide in people, but don’t confide too much. Some secrets are meant to be kept between just you and yourself. It helps keep you close to your inner being and reminds you that you come first.

Protect your passion. Let others protect theirs. Don’t let anyone bring you down and at the same time, don’t make people feel bad about things that make them happy.

Be nice to strangers, and

Let the sunshine hit your face. Remember how lucky you are to have that chance.

December 22, 2014

We wait...

For the sun to rise,

For our coffee to be the perfect blend of milk and sugar,

For lunch breaks,

For laughter over cooking dinner,

For the comfort in stretching your legs out over your boyfriend’s lap on the couch, and

For the moon to shine through your window.

We wait for December,

For the holidays,

For the excitement of your first Christmas tree in a new apartment,

For the arrival of family,

For the tears to stream down your face over an inside joke with your friends,

For perfect days full of a sisterly bond no one can break,

For today…

And then we wait again for tomorrow,

And then tomorrow comes and we wait some more.

We wait for the struggle of goodbyes,

 and we beg for our voices not to crack when we say,

“When are you coming home next? I really can’t wait…”

And just like that, we find ourselves moving through days, and months, and seasons,

holding out for new excitements, and new endeavors… 

and while we don't even realize we are doing it,

we wait...

On Reflection

To some of you, this photograph looks like just another typical, yet blurry, selfie that I would post, coupled with an intriguing, inspirational quote about autumn or fashion. Or possibly, it might not have a quote at all, leaving you to decode the mystery behind my elusive bathroom-break vanity.

But this photograph was taken, yes, of me, by myself, in a bathroom, but it wasn’t taken with the intention of posting on Instagram or Facebook for people to hit “like” or make cute comments on. I took the picture because I was realized on that particular day, that I’m proud of myself. I feel proud that I’m truly comfortable in my own skin, proud that I’ve been working really hard at my new job, proud that I’ve been kicking ass in in the gym, gaining the body I want, proud to have received a good raise in pay after being laid off from the job I was at for four years, and pictured myself in for at least another four. I feel proud that I can wear a messy bun on top of my head, little makeup and still feel beautiful. I’m proud that I have built my credit up enough to buy the vehicle that I’ve always wanted. I’m proud that in the mirror’s reflection, I see a girl who has overcome battles in that past year that might seem so minute to some people, but at one point seemed next to impossible to me.

I’m proud that I can post this picture now, and not really care about the inevitable criticism that will surely accompany it. I’m happy that I can truthfully say I’m happy. Happy with what life has given me - the way life has tested me and built my strength, made me work for what I want. I’m happy with the way I feel when I open my eyes each morning, and happy that at 27, I’m not in a huge house with a white picket fence and three children six cats screaming at me when I walk through the door, because even though that’s what I had pictured for my life at 27, I am perfectly content with my trendy little apartment, my hardworking boyfriend, my beautiful group of friends, a family that will never let me down, and a heart that loves so much it hurts.

October 24, 2014

“I want to say something so embarrassing about October 

that even the leaves start blushing and turning red.” 

On Giving, Not Getting…

There is something to be said about helping people out – in the simplest or most complex of ways - when you tell them not to worry, that you’ve got their back this time. It’s the reassuring sound in their sigh of relief, when you hear the crashing of the weight dropping from their shoulders, the colliding of the “what am I going to do?” with the “thank you so much!” It’s when you know that they are truly grateful, and that you’ve made a difference in their world.

It’s not so you can wake up and tell the world, “if I do this one good thing, ten good things will happen to me!”…And it’s certainly not because karma is your best friend who will shower you with riches and sunny days with no traffic and perfect tasting coffee.

It’s because there’s a beautiful little flame that some people keep tucked away inside their hearts, flames belonging to candles that have faded and melted and can’t find a way to shine – candles that can quickly ignite when you share your oxygen… and if you’re someone lucky enough to have the power to light someone else’s flame, do it, and do everything you can to never let it burn out…. Why? Because the world is a cold place, and without the warmth of some people, and without these little candles, we’d all be sitting in the dark....

And when you can give without the chance of getting, you're not the only person who will sleep better at night.

"Dream"

Everyone had diamond earrings,

And a bright gold wedding band

She had worn out sneakers

And a night-shift working man.

The old cross her Daddy gave her

Sat securely on her chest,

She held it while she prayed at night

Asking God to just give it a rest.

She swept the floors, she made the beds

She kept her little babies fed

He brought home fifty bucks a week

But she never had bad words to speak,

‘Cause she knew there must be more out there

Wild wind to tangle up their hair,

So she’d dream……….

When the kids grew up and went to school

She went out to make some money too

Her paycheck wasn’t very much

She never really had great luck,

But she remembered what her momma said

“Pretty girl don’t ever lose your head,

It’s a cold world out there, ya know

So don’t ever let the good ones go,

Hold on tightly to that man of yours

Run your fingers through your babies’ curls

And dream………..”

Now they’re both in their sixties

Their kids have kids of their own

Their little corner city flat

Is what the both of them call home.

He still smiles; he looks her up and down

In her worn out little pink night gown

He says “My sweet lady it’s all alright,

We’ve made it through harsher nights,

I’m right beside you every single day,

Close your eyes now, love, it’s all okay

So just dream……..”

Holly A. Wolti

If Walls Could Talk...

I’m talking about that one green wall. Or is it yellow? I really don’t know. My mom has some name for it, my sister and friends think it’s the greatest part of the apartment, my boyfriend just thinks it’s just “green”, and my dad thinks oh it’s nice honey, it’s different. And that, right there, is why I find myself writing about something as humble as a wall, and I'm sure you've seen this photo before....

My green apartment wall is different to everyone who walks in the door.  People see it differently; some people don’t even care enough to see it. But being the only accent to many eggshell painted corners, it has exclusivity to it. It sits behind the first decoration I bought, and it was the wall I spent hours visualizing when I started apartment shopping.  Apartment shopping is hard when you have such an unusual colored wall. But then again, I would hate it if the wall was white and simple. 

But this wall – this is our wall. It’s the wall that sometimes smells like our breakfast on the weekends, and it’s the wall that our dinner conversations bounce off of.  It’s where I sit when I complain about my busy day, and it’s where my boyfriend sits and listens to me ramble. It’s the wall that our laughs echo from, and it’s the wall that we’ve stood in front of during drunken arguments. It’s the wall that I cook next to, and the wall that is so hard to clean. It’s the wall that belongs to the first place we’ve lived together, and it’s the wall I’ll remember when my kids ask me what our first place together looked like. It's the wall that we celebrated next to when we opened our first beers and popped a bottle of champagne on our first night there, where we spent hours talking instead of watching TV because we didn't have cable yet. It's the wall that I made him stand near when I took photos, so eager to post on Instagram. It’s the first thing I see when I get home at 6:00 after a long commute, and it has become the place where we leave love notes and burn candles near. It’s the wall that belongs to the place that belongs to us, that has watched us grow as a couple.

And sometimes – but not always -- I really wish walls could talk.

It Works!

So, my life has been pretty busy lately….from a crazy summer, to starting a new job, to basically having some place to be every weekend, and planning an engagement party for my sister and Mike, I’ve been pretty tied up with less time to work out and eat healthy. 

However, I have been pretty lucky. I teamed up with a cool chick named Ashley Sinclair from ItWorks!, and she provided me with a way to look and feel my best during this whirlwind I’ve been on! Ashley sent me some Ultimate Applicator body wraps, some hair skin and nail vitamins, defining gel, and some lip and eye cream. 

After using all of these products, I have been able to fit perfectly into tight summer dresses, feel confident in bikinis, not have to worry about constant manicures, and I’ve also felt safer under the sun’s hot rays.

Ashley Sinclair is a pro at selling her products, so I asked her to provide my readers with some basic facts about the Ultimate Body Applicator wraps, since they were my favorite product, and also a huge favorite among people all over the country!  

7 Facts About the Ulitmate Body Applicator

1. What is the Ultimate Body Applicator?

The applicator is an all-natural piece of non-woven cloth that you can apply to any area of the body to tone, tighten, and !rm the skin. It hydrates and smooths the skin where it is applied.

2. Are you simply losing water weight?

Our product is not water weight loss! We have no diuretics in our product. Results are actually greater with water consumption. The applicator is ultra hydrating.

3. How often can I wrap?

You can wrap every 72 hours and it is easy to apply at home.

4. Where can I wrap?

The wrap can be worn anywhere on the body except the face. (The company has special facial applicators). It was designed specifically for the abdomen but can be worn on arms, legs, backside, or cut in half and worn on the chin/neck, love handles, outer thighs, etc...

5. How long do results last?

Results last from 2-6 months depending on your lifestyle. Exercising and eating healthy help results last longer. Wrap one area at a time for greatest results and follow up with the de!ning gel twice daily to maximize results. Maintenance includes wrapping once at least once a month.

6. How much are the wraps?

The wraps are $25 each or you can buy a pack of four wraps for $59 as a loyal customer. Each box has 4 wraps. One wrap is a sample and it is important to note that four wraps is a full treatment!

7. What is a Loyal Customer?

A loyal customer agrees to buy one product a month for three months and gets wholesale pricing for life after completing the third shipment. Customers have complete control over their orders and can change products at any time.

Contact Ashley today! Ashley@tryskinnywraps.com and visit her site at Tryskinnywraps.com and I promise you'll be thanking her! 

Old Orchard Beach, Maine

“There is nothing more beautiful

Than the way the ocean refuses to stop kissing the shore,

no matter how many times it is sent away”

"Red Canoe"

Young love sweating in a red canoe

You say, “look at that sky”

But all I see is you

Tan skin pulsing, I think I see your heart

I want to swallow it whole

So we’ll never have to part.

And I’m sure that this is magic

‘Cause it really can’t be real

You’re seeing parts of me I promised

I’d never quite reveal,

But there’s something ‘bout that shimmer

From the sun down to the lake

And I’m thinking back to when I said,

“You were my best mistake.”

Now you’re giving me that same old look,

I’ve seen a billion times before

I’ve memorized your smile, and

I’ve never been so sure.

I laugh, “sometimes the best things

they just can’t be foreseen

You have to let your heart outweigh your head,

You know just what I mean….”

You pause before you answer

You just stare at me so hard

Then you lean right in to kiss me

You love catching me off guard.

You tell me just to listen; you swear these words are true

You say, “No one’s ever loved you girl, the way that I sure do.”

Now we’re back at shore, it’s later now

The onyx sky has lost its blue

My mind’s repeating what you said,

The way you looked in that canoe.

You notice that I’m drifting off,

I think you’re drifting too,

You say “look up at the stars, my love”

But all I see is you.

- a poem written by Holly Amber Wolti